by Daphne Berryhill

My youngest and last is seven. Pretty soon, he won’t even be sort of little anymore, just like he thinks he isn’t right now. There’s a lot of parenting stuff I’m so happy to be done with. Like the hoppin’ mad out-in-public fits. Or the constant feeling of scanning an environment for safety issues. Or hauling a bag around just-in-case for you-know-what. If you’re in those phases, don’t worry. It’s true: it really won’t last forever.

Of course, there are lots of things I’ll miss too. Like the warm, squishy feeling of holding a little one. Or watching my kid’s faces react to simple, but new-to-them, everyday things. Or having a better reason for always feeling tired.

Another thing I’ll really miss is the magical sound of a young child off in la la land. You know that sound. A child’s sweet voice narrating conversations and stories in an imaginary world that only they can see.

As soon as my firstborn was a toddler, I became enamored with watching her get lost there. Soon, we learned she needed that time, almost as much as she needed time to eat and sleep. We’d notice if the schedule got too hurried, with no “downtime” in a day, she seemed unsettled. “Nora needs her la-la-land time,” we used to say.

More than 20 years later, we say the same about our youngest one. Each day afterschool, after we connect and he has a snack, he spends an hour in la la land before his older brothers tromp into the house.

On days I’m home, I’ll occasionally transcribe little pieces of the conversation going on in la la land. It’s my way of hanging on to a tiny fraction of this fading magic.

Some are observations: “Not that many people know about the west side of Australia.” Some are factual: “Volcano eruptions can cause increased changes to the whole world.” Some purely opinion: “He’s annoying, but cool.” And some are quite dramatic: “I'm in a crisis! Ahh, the coelophysis!”

But whatever conversations are going on, clearly they’re important. They're helping him process feelings and giving him a chance to express complex thoughts in a safe space.

The benefits of play

The American Academy of Pediatrics describes the benefits of play as “extensive and well documented.” In a nutshell, play helps with everything good — social, emotional, language, math, and physical development. They call play “brain building” because a core benefit is helping with development of an important skill called executive functioning. There are three parts to this:

Cognitive flexibility: being open-minded to new ideas or solutions
Inhibitory control: self-control and regulation
Working memory: being able to keep important details in mind

This is one reason why play is fundamental in Kindermusik. The other one is simpler: play is pure fun! Below we share some parenting tips on helping your child find la la land at home — a place where so many good things can be found.

Make playtime available

The first step is obvious, but not always easy: build unscheduled time into each day. The pandemic has made a lot of families rethink how they spend their time. But it’s easy to fall back into being overscheduled. Keep in mind, even small chunks of time can give children a chance to rest and recharge through play.

The next step is becoming harder: limit screen time. La la land can’t be found in front of a screen. Imaginary play time is about creating output, not absorbing input. Full disclosure: I don’t have a screen-free home. Nor does everyone in my family fully comply with screen-free recommendations on any given day — especially the older ones. But I do my best to be mindful of the guidelines, knowing my best will be different depending upon the day.

Consider this: When possible, protect chunks of unscheduled time. Screen-free time can be a priority, without being perfect about it. Think of each new day as an opportunity to find more meaningful moments, like those found in la la land.

Create the space

Fresh new spaces really open the mind to more things possible. Getting out and exploring new places is great, but home is where a lot of play happens. Here are a few ideas for upgrading your child’s play space at home:

Secret spaces: There are a ton of indoor play tents you could buy, but my kids loved the good, old sheets draped over a table or across living room chairs and couches.

Changed-up spaces: If you’re up for a major furniture rearrangement, go for it. But even small changes, like angling a couch differently or shifting a table, add a feeling of newness to an environment. Configurations that might seem odd work too — it’s only temporary.

Empty spaces: Floor space is great, but not always an option. Other kinds of empty spaces work too. Give kids an empty container, box, basket, table, or shelf, and watch what they do with it.

Open-ended playthings

Toys don’t need to be fancy or matching. Toys can even be safe-to-handle household items. The best playthings are usually ones that can be used in different ways. Here are some basics:

Hand-sized people and animals
Dolls and stuffies
Things that go
Building sets
Real-life pretend-play things
Basic, age-appropriate art supplies
Old clothes or dress-up

Buying used or swapping out toys with family or friends make toys more affordable and less wasteful. Always inspect used toys closely for broken or loose parts. Search for recalls by the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) on their website. And check out this guide by Neumors KidsHealth for info on choosing safe toys for tots and preschoolers.

Join them, but let them lead

When you’re allowed into your child’s play world, follow along and engage with them. This is called child-led (or guided) play. Some experts suggest following a method called PRIDE.

P: Praise (notice a specific, positive behavior)

R: Reflect (repeat something they’ve said)

I: Imitate (mirror something they’re doing)

D: Describe (narrate what you see them doing)

E: Enthusiasm (show you’re happy to play with them)

These steps don’t need to be robotically followed. You’ll find a pattern that feels right for you and your child. And they say just five minutes a day is beneficial.

The takeaway: Letting your child take the lead can help them develop a sense of mastery. This confidence is important, because they’ll be more likely to use those skills in real world situations. What’s more, taking the time to slow down and appreciate your child’s creations leads to memories you’ll both cherish.

Welcome their friends, including imaginary ones

About two-thirds of young kids have either an imaginary friend or a special toy they personify and pretend is real. Two of my four had imaginary friends; their names were Manny and Snowy. They were a part of our family for a few years, until they faded away. Within reason, we treated them like people when they came to visit, because they were real to our kids.

Consider inviting a friend from their school or childcare over. If you’re unsure who to invite, their teachers might be able to offer a suggestion. It’s a great opportunity for your child, as well as a chance for you to connect with other parents.

Watching your child play with a peer in your home can be insightful. You may discover your little sweetie is actually quite bossy, and not the good kind of being boss. It’s nothing to worry — they’re still learning. But it’s an opportunity to help teach boundaries and provide guidance from the sidelines as they figure friendships out.

Children have different play styles

If you have more than one child, or have spent time around a group of kids, you’ve probably seen this: give two different kids the same toy, and they play with it differently, or maybe one child won’t even pick it up. Children have different play styles.

That being said, if you have any concerns about how your child plays alone or with other kids, discuss them with your child’s healthcare provider or teacher. And remember, your Kindermusik teachers are here for you. If you’re looking for new play ideas specific for your child, please let us know!

One last thing: I’m starting to wonder if our need for la-la-land time really goes away when we become big kids? Because I think my 40-something self needs some of it now.

Sources

Harlan B and Thomad S. “The 5-minute daily playtime ritual that can get your kids to listen better.” NPR, 2022, https://www.npr.org/2022/10/13/1128737199/the-5-minute-daily-playtime-ritual-that-can-get-your-kids-to-listen-better. Accessed 8 April 2023.

Healthy Children. (2022). Beyond Screen Time: Help Your Kids Build Healthy Media Use Habits.

Nemours KidsHealth. (2018). Choosing Safe Toys for Toddlers and Preschoolers.

Severson RL and Woodward SR. (2018). Imagining Others’ Minds: The Positive Relation Between Children’s Role Play and Anthropomorphism. Frontiers in Psychology.

United States Consumer Safety Product Commission (CSPC) recall database.

Yogman M, et al. (2019).The Power of Play: A Pediatric Role in Enhancing Development in Young Children. Pediatrics.